Learning To Hold On To God's Love, When Others Hurt You

One thing that I’ve been learning through this walk is that there have been a lot of people that I’ve known that have gone bitter or gone cold towards God. The pattern that I keep seeing is they’re not just being hurt my ordinary people, but by the people they’re around in church. I myself can understand that because it happened to be one of the reasons why my heart grew cold towards God for the past two years. I couldn’t understand how or why those who I trusted would hurt me. It was just interesting because it was happening with the people that I was around in church. At times, I was made as though I was not the person they thought I was or I wasn’t walking with God the way they thought I should’ve. At one point, my character and personality was judged and it got to the point where I was just hurt inside. I was so hurt that I didn’t know whether to laugh it out or simply just cry. It really hurt so much that someone I really thought was my friend could do these things and not know what they were doing. When I was driving back tonight, I was thinking about the people that had hurt my friend at church, and it was hard for me to think whether I should be angry at them or try to understand that it happens and we just can’t control things. At one point I was playing a song in my car, and the word “love” just kept repeating in the lyrics and it started to repeat itself over and over in my head. I felt God was speaking to my heart saying, “its my love that matters above all this”, “no matter how hurt you or the people you care about been, its my love that matters above all these things”. It spoke to my heart so strongly, I started to choke up and understand, it really is only about God’s love for us and for the lost around us. Thinking about this, I reminded myself about how Nicky Cruz was also betrayed by the people who published his book Run Baby Run. He stated in his book that he rarely got a royalty check for it and that the majority of the money was going to the publishers and not the writers themselves. It happened to be reprinted and reproduced so many times by so many publishers, and the fact that it sold over couple million he didn’t get the money that was owed to him. But he said it best when he stated that it wasn’t the money he was concerned about. All that mattered to him was that this book was used by God to help change people’s lives so they can know the loving Savior that he has come to know. Even when we look at Jesus, he was betrayed by Peter and most of all Judas. Never once did he forget his sole purpose for walking on this earth. I can imagine his heart broke that those closest to him could hurt him more than those that weren’t, but yet He strived and fulfilled his purpose. Things like this will happen in our walk, but we can’t let it get us bitter and in return make us hate God because that’s the end result of bitterness. Things will happen, people will hurt us, but we need to ask God to help give us the love to forgive those that hurt us. If we don’t do that, we won’t have peace and we may be walking further away from God.

Overcoming Someone's Bitterness With Kindness

Today was an interesting day at work.  The day before, I was told by my fellow colleague that I had to do some errands for her since she was going on vacation.  One of her clients from the get go wasn’t complying to her call and was already giving her a hard time.  So today came, and I called her twice and she didn’t call back.  I called her roommate to remind her that I would be coming to get her.  Then this client calls me back telling me the doctor called her that she didn’t have to come until a quarter to 2.  So I agreed with her I would come at 1:30 instead of 1:00.  I told my supervisor and immediately she started to state she was lying and told me to go to her house now, so I did just that.  As soon as I got there i knocked and asked her to get ready, little did I know I was getting into something that I really wanted to avoid.  From the start she was just being so cold hearted and bitter.  I was just asking her to get ready and she started talking back to me telling me that the doctor called her to come later and so and so, and I just simply stated to her that she was lying.  I was basically getting on her but in a nice way trying to hold my composure.  As we were leaving I could hear her reciting negative comments about me, one stood in my head.  She was like this the last time I do something with you.  That really hurt me inside and I just wanted it to be over and done with so I could go back to the office.  But something inside of me just told me to be kind to her, so I did just that.  I opened the door for her and gently closed the door.  We got to the office, and she stated some more comments because I was being prompt and didn’t believe the things she was saying.  As we left, I opened the door for her again at the office and she politely stated to me, “ill give you one thing, you have really nice manors”.  I stated back to her that I was well taught by my father.   We went grocery shopping and again I was being nice to her, I carried her groceries into the bag and I also waited in the car for an hour as she waited to shop as well as wait on her scripts at the pharmacy.  When she came back into my car and hour later, she stated to me the appreciated my patience, and I stated to her that it was my pleasure.  As we got back, I carried all her groceries back into her car and when I was leaving she stated to me that she wanted me to thank my father for raising someone as nice as me.  Coming out of that, I felt God was teaching me so much on how to just hold my tongue and anger when someone being so bitter and cold hearted towards me.  I saw how my kindness towards her melted her heart, and when I left I saw that she really appreciated me for the things I did for her today and it seemed as if all those bad things she stated to me went over her head.  I believe that’s what we as Christians need to do.  Whether it be in our personal lives or even our professional lives, we need not to sink so low that we end up hurting someone with our words but rather let our actions speak for itself by showing those who hate us with true love and kindness.  When I thought about it, it was exactly what Jesus did in his time.  He used his kindness while everyone was being so bitter and mean to them.  Even unto his own death, Jesus love was so strong for those Pharisees who crucified him, he lifted up a prayer of forgiveness towards them.  How amazing, a God so humble would forgive a human being such as us even when we can be so bitter and angry towards Him and the people in our lives.  It’s truly amazing learning how to love people in spite of how much trouble people may cause us.  It’s only going to be love and kindness that will win someone’s life over to God!

For The Least of These

“We will be Your hands/We will be Your feet/We will run this race/For the least of these/In the darkest place/We will be Your light/We will be Your light/And we will be Your hands/We will be Your feet/We will run/We will run/We will run with the solution” 

 Joel Houston: Solution

Last night, I was driving back after being with my friends and I was listening to this song I love called Solution.  The song just started to have a new meaning and was speaking to my heart.  I was explaining to my friend that we need to be the example of Christ in the midst of the people were surrounded by each day and the only way they can ever change is if we continue to walk with God and let people see that life of Christ in us.  This end verse was gripping my heart and speaking so loudly to me.  The same words I spoke to my friend were being spoken to me in this song.  The part where it says we will run this race for the least of these was just hitting me so hard.  I started to just think if I can embody Christ in me, I’m running this race for the people around me to see the life of God living in me for them to wonder and understand God is real and is alive.  The end part of the song where it was saying we will run with the solution just gave me such an encouragement to my spirit to just keep running with the solution that Jesus is the way and the one who can only give true satisfaction in life.  That apart from God, everything in life means nothing and that He alone is the real reason we live today.  So I myself need to run with this solution within my life and allow my walk to speak volumes about the truth of God.

Rely On God and Not Your Own Emotions

This week alone has just been a whirlwind of emotions.  I was just going through a lot especially at work.  Things got to the point where I got so frustrated I let my frustrations get the best of me and my anger came out on someone at work.  I got so caught up that in my heart I felt guilty for what I did and for awhile I was quite angry but I felt no peace.  After awhile, I picked up the book I was reading and as soon as I started to read, something within my heart spoke to me saying, "apologize".  As soon as I heard that I waited for everyone to leave and that person was there and I apologized and right after she smiled and apologized and immediately I felt back at peace within my heart.  It was just hard to remind myself not to rely on my emotions but to rely on God and his Spirit to continue to guide me even when my emotions make me feel something that makes me sense something is wrong.  If there's one thing I've learned is that when you rely on your emotions you tend to be let down.  Our emotions can sometimes get the best of us and it can drag us down to the point where it makes us feel as if something's wrong when it really isn't.  It's hard when you feel that God isn't there when He really is, but that's where our faith comes to play.  If we simply believe by faith God is there, it will allow us to forsake our emotions and to trust and rely on God. 

Don't Let Things Discourage You

Yesterday I got discouraged after reading a passage from the book I was reading. It spoke about reaching the lost and how God's Spirit within a true believer puts a cry for the people around us. Nicky started to explain how a true believer's call in their life is to reach the lost. He then spoke about how majority of Christians aren't doing just that mainly because they're either embarrassed by their faith, afraid they either may say something wrong or they simply don't know how to. He also went on saying how he felt bad for those Christians who are afraid to share their faith to people they're around at their jobs, their schools, and their community. Reading that I felt discouraged mainly due to my own failed efforts as well as my short comings of denying the Truth of God from the friends and people around me. I started to think about my efforts at school few years back and how God gave me an amazing opportunity to share to almost all of my class mates one by one during my summer classes. Some didn't accept what I was saying maybe because I said something wrong or it was just too hard to digest, but I was able to bring one person back to God. At times I felt like I can accomplish more which sometimes made me feel discouraged because I set my goals based on what my expectations were. One problem I had was comparing my call to others which always discouraged me because I felt at times others were doing much more than I was and I wanted so badly to do just as much or even more. But these past 2 and a half years I wasn't able to do anything. If anything I put shame to God's name showing people that God isn't everything I thought He was when He really was. I've always had that burning desire to share God's love and let someone feel and see what I see. I think there really is no greater joy then to see someone's eyes behold their Savior in His never ending love, mercy and amazing forgiveness. One thing that has stuck in my mind from this book was a statement that Nicky wrote. He stated that God is with us through our failures and successes. That's something I seem to forget when I get discouraged. That through my success He's there but also in failure He's there. As a Christian, we need to understand and realize God is there regardless of the situation, whether we failed or not. It's hard to share God's love with someone but the only way anyone can start or go ahead doing so is by prayer. You just can't throw yourself into a situation. Everything starts and ends with prayer. This is something that I'm realizing once more that I have to start doing. Prayers is where it starts, when we pray we fight the spiritual battle and prepare ourselves for what's to come and how we move towards God's will. If one thing, we need not to be discouraged. Discouragement will lead us to doing something that we shouldn't do, something that I felt all of last night. God will always surely make a way someway somehow, because you know what? He does every single time!

Following The Spirit and Avoiding Distractions

- Reading pages 54-57 on One Holy Fire, I was reminded of how the spirit moves.  I was able to know or even just understand that the Spirit makes you take detours in your Spiritual walk. After reading these few pages, I was able to clear my mind of the things i've been through in past few years.  It's almost like sometimes we think what we want is where we're going to go from here, but then reading this allowed me to understand that even when there's a specific path set for you, God's Spirit will make you take a detour to do something else that he already planned for you to do.  At that time it won't make sense but if you follow the nudge of the Spirit it will show you what to do. In my heart I feel like I just didn't listen, I was too ignorant to follow His ways and I did my own thing. In return, I wasn't able to follow the Spirit and what He wanted me to do.  Right now I feel like I'm now stuck living with the regrets of what if I just listened and followed what He wanted me to do from the beginning and believed that he could give me the power and boldness to do what He wanted me to do. I'm learning now that following the Spirit's way is so critical when living for God. A simple mistake can lead into more mistakes or even lead you to a distraction that can captivate our eyes, our minds and our hearts to the point where we miss the leading and miss the awesome opportunity God set before us only because we followed after the desires of our own heart. This happened to me the first year I got saved. The thing I wanted so badly when I became a Christian was getting involved in missions. God said no to one but then a door opened for another. But at that time I was involved in a lustful relationship and that distracted me to the point where I couldn't go because of my own sin. But God being so great opened my eyes once more and the following year I got an opportunity to go to Argentina. I was blessed but also amazed of how God still honored my desire inspite of my failures.  Learning from my mistakes, I realized following His spirit will allow us to walk in freedom and God will guide us to where and what we need to do.  We just have to sit and wait and obey the Spirit that He's entrusted within us.

A Re-igniting Passion

- "God sometimes sends strangers to re-ignite a passion in our hearts by His Spirit for His call" Nicky Cruz

In my case it was a little girl I met in Argentina. The whole trip I felt useless due to the language barrier especially after watching people on my team experiencing a touch by the Argentinian people. My heart and in my mind I asked God to give me a chance to have that type of experience. Of all the days, the day we depart is the day I had my experience. We were shopping by the street market and in my head I thought I was going to keep my money and later convert it. Little did I know my plan ended up changing by God's own design. My friend was short 20 pesos so in kindness I gave him my 100$ peso bill and he handed me 80$ pesos in 4 seperate 20$ peso bills. So we cross the street and I see a little girl in the middle of the street in between 2 cars. My first thought was, "what is she doing there? Is she lost or something?". Then I realized she was begging for money. She then came over to us and we gave her our spare change. I noticed that she had no shoes on and her feet were bare. This broke my heart. I leaned over to my friend and I was like I feel so bad for this girl and he comes out and tells me give her one of your 20$ pesos. I did exactly that. I ran over to her with my usual large smile and handed her the bill. She looked at me in awe and I felt it in her voice when she replied thank you in Spanish. I couldn't explain the feeling. It was just overwhelming. On the plane ride back I couldn't stop thinking about her, I wanted so badly to take her home so I could take care of her. This experience really reignited my passion to help the poor and needy. I've felt it from the start this is what I've wanted to do. This was truly and amazing experience and forever blessed that God brought this little child to do something in my heart once more.